Here we go again...

 Lord, I am frustrated, it constantly feels like we are focusing on the wrong things. We seek to be united with a government that changes at the flick of a hat. I do not understand why. Are you not more important? And why do we seek aid when we cannot even handle the gifts we do have well? Would it not be better to look around us and minister to those around us than to go and argue amongst hypocrites and vipers? Maybe I speak too strongly but I do not understand why our church has any place there. Not when we have so much to do here. 

Hope

 

You know that whole confidently asking thing? Like Your will be done but I know You are capable of this and if You will it You will let it happen thing? I’ve been asking the wrong way for too long. And this year the Lord has shown me that that is how things work over and over again. First snow, then a job, then a house. And it hit me that to get to Heaven, at the heart of hope, is this confidence. And if I wake up everyday and say if it be Your will, I know You will get me there, that it is also a form of trust. I know You can do it, Please do it. And I know it’s not Earth shattering or anything but for me it IS attitude changing. Now to keep doing it everyday.... 🙃

P.S. Here I was thinking it would be fun to post here again. And didn't read the previous post. Doodles is out of retirement! 

2020 and Classrooms...

Hello again.

I completely missed last year, and here I am this year. Can you believe it has been a whole 10 years since I started? 10. A lot has changed since then; high school, college, a short out of state adventure, college again, graduation. As this time to come to my greatest adventure. Bilbo Baggins sums it up best when he lets the whole village know that he is going on an adventure. It has been one wild ride since graduation. But it has also been a good one. Filled with so many beautiful blessings, people, and experiences.

I hope your last year, 2019, was wild, joy-filled, and loud. And I hope this year, my dear readers, you are staying at home, and are healthy, safe and at peace wherever you are in the world. Many blessings.

Now, for the grand announcement. I think it is time to retire Doodles. I have had a beautiful time with you, sharing my musings and thoughts. It is time to move on and possibly begin a new blog. A blog to fill up with new hopes, dreams, and stories. If I come up with one I will post it here, for now, I will leave this one up but I will not be posting any longer under this name. I love you dear readers and I hope and pray for you.

As Always

Ciao 4 now,

Arwen

Doodle #365 (AKA Graduation!!!!!)

                    To pick up where we have left off, I have now reached that point in my college career where I can look back and say, it is well done. I will have the privilege of graduating in a few short weeks and it seems surreal. This semester has been a heavy one with Student Teaching every day for a full semester. I have not felt this tired in years, and yet it is invigorating. The kind of invigorating where you know. Now you know what it is you were meant, and planned, and loved to do your entire life. It feels as if I am approaching the crux of my life up to this point. As if these last few weeks as an undergraduate are all I have left for my final YES. My Fiat. And I await this moment with joyous, albeit slightly nervous, expectation.
                    The 'what-ifs?' of possibilities. The what - if I fail my students so badly that none of them will ever want to school again (a far-fetched possibility I know, but still). The what - if I totally misread everything God has planned for my life and just threw a major fork into the road that was not supposed to be there. The what - if that maybe I am missing something. That there is more I could be doing, there always is isn't there?
                    And then, from time to time, God throws me a bone and reminds me that He loves me. That I am a daughter of His. That He will never let go. And that he is there, waiting patiently, for when I decide to pull my head out of the sand, embrace the sun, and feel the wind in my hair. It's always in the quiet moments of the day, like when your student looks up and reminds you that you are one of their favorite teachers. Or when a new song pops up on Spotify and it is exactly what you need when you need it. Or when your dog jumps up and licks your face. Sometimes, it is even quieter. That break from the wind and your body finally begins to warm up. Or an old acquaintance turned friend. Finding some old documents that you were frantically searching for graduation.
                    It is almost finally here, and I am not ready but I am excited. Lord help me when I enter my first classroom. Holy Spirit give me the words to move the hearts of my students in the ways that they need to be moved. And father, give me the grace to say yes, I have not been doing so well with that recently but help me have the grace to be what the students need me to be.
                    My parents were my first teachers, and I credit much of my schooling to their wisdom, even on the days that I thought that I knew better. May my days as a teacher be a credit to their love and care that they have put in over the past years.


ciao 4 now,

Arwen

Doodle number 64

Just some quiet ramblings tonight, I have been up waaaay to late these past few days and have been feeling the effects. Tiredness drowsiness and all that jazz. This lent has been trying in every way and I feel like I see more and more of my shortcomings. I do not want to work anymore, my classes are overwhelming and I can feel myself giving up, feel myself begging myself to STOP. To walk away while I am ahead. And yet, I still tell myself, NO. I want to finish this, I want to finish this so badly. To get to look back someday on this and smile and say that I finally did this. That I finished. It just hurts. It is painful. The work that goes into living day by day. Staying awake and not missing alarms it's exhausting. And I am tired.I have not stopped in a while and maybe I will, at some point. Take a break. walk away. Put my work down but I do not have time right now, I finally cleaned my living room tonight and did a load of dishes in the dishwasher. That is the most cleaning I have done in days, maybe weeks. Because I have spent the rest of the time on homework.
I am ready for a change, I realize that it has been a few months but I have to say that I am ready for things to start changing. I am ready for college to be over and to get up and start my career. I am tired of this lonely, desolate, desert. Can I leave and begin the next part of my life now? Please?
Alright, that is enough for now, have a smiley face.

:)

ciao 4 now,
Arwen

Week 8

This week we tie things up before the end of the semester. Our big Team Project was due and we each focused on part of the Romantic era of Literature. It was perhaps one of my favorite parts of literature and it was a complete joy to be able to spend time reading Keats, who I focused on, particularly over "The Ode to A Nightingale". Overall, it was a very engaging class and I enjoyed the discussion. I do wish that we got to spend more than one week over a big piece of literature, the actual books, but I have no other complaints. I liked the idea of the team project and the semester felt like  lot at first but quickly became manageable as we progressed through the semester.

Week 7

Week 7 was about Virginia Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway. It was a very interesting read, especially in the way that it was written, using psychological realism and stream of consciousness to present the characters to the audience, using their inner thoughts to showcase their true feelings on any given subject. I liked the way that the psychological realism, the insights given by the characters flowed using the stream of consciousness, a way to encourage the flow between thoughts. I also enjoyed the contrast ad similarities between the characters.