So at home tonight, no phone (long story), quiet music and my fellow bloggers keeping me company. I have work, school, and some papers to find but for now, while I am trying to fall asleep I am enjoying the deep quiet that occurs when the world is asleep and media is not pushing for your attention. It is a wonderfilled evening, living in this peace and quiet that this world so rarely affords.
For tonight it is time to dream, it is time to dream dear readers of our hopes and fears, of our strengths and weaknesses. It is time to lay down our wearied selves and hope for a new tomorrow. It is time to let ourselves wonder our imaginations, allow ourselves to be so deeply immersed within our own minds that we forget all sense of self and surrender ourselves to the power of almighty God. To allow ourselves to drift aimlessly among the deep seas and distant mountains. Moving in and out with the ebb and flow of the currents, rising higher and higher to the mountains peak. Take a deep breath and pray. Let all your worries go to God, fall on Him. He wants to take your cross and give you a new one, on suited for you made by Him. I know that this is hard because you think in your mind that He has too many of His own problems to deal with, that how can the God that has literally taken on humanity possibly want to take on my small and insignificant cares and worries. How could He want to take on my cares and troubles when more than half of the world suffers far worse than I? A person who has a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, and food to get me through the week. How?
The answer is simple and just as frightening and overwhelming as the idea of giving this all to Him, it is because of one small, insignificant, tiny fact. He loves you. He loves us. He has such an overwhelming love for you and knows you. He knows the troubles you are facing right now. He knows where you are and wants to meet you where you are at. Maybe you are working through anxiety right now because nothing in your life, no matter how hard you try is going "right". Maybe, right now, you are so swamped in homework that you can't focus but you have something due right now and you NEED to FOCUS. Maybe your best friend, lover, husband has betrayed your deepest trust and you don't know where to turn or who to trust. Maybe you are so broken that you feel like nothing could ever go right again because you have screwed it up so much already. Maybe you are completely heart broken over a great loss, spiritually, physically or mentally. Wherever you are He knows. And He does not want to meet you where you could or might be but where you are. Right now, at this second, today.
He wants you to be filled with His love. To know that He is there. He does not just love you but He is love. He knows what love you need and has it to give, just knock and let go when he asks for your baggage. Let him take it for you and carry it up the stairs for you. He knows where it goes and what should be done with the baggage that you have been carrying around. I know from personal experience that this is no small feat and He is aware of this fact. He knows just how difficult this may be for you and that makes your act all the more beautiful and important to Him. He can see your effort and is so happy for you.
Today, I am right there with you. I have my small, insignificant worries. Or at least I try to make them small and insignificant when they are, in all actuality, huge and frightening and daunting. And yet, as I said at the beginning of the year, this is a year to let Jesus have because He does, and he know how hard it is to let Him have the year. To let Him do what He will. I love you and He even more so. Let the God who has created the stars in the heavens and the earth that you walk on, let Him and He will whatever your heart most needs now. To our dreams of this overwhelming love we go, tucked safely into our beds. To let the God who has our hearts even when we will not let Him in, come in and take them once more. I love you, He says, I love you.
ciao 4 now,
Arwen
Monday, April 4, 2016
Tomorrow is Another Day...
Spring Break is over and now I am back to the grinding wheel. Professors are assigning mountains of homework, or what appear to be mountains, as we are given every assignment for the next 6 weeks. I am learning what to expect from my courses again and I am moving through some very trying times as I work on handling the things that I should, money, budget and time, as an adult. Responsibly. Responsibility was easier as a child.
It meant do your chores on time. Has the bunny been fed? Yes? Check. Did you clean out the crate? Yes? Check. Are the dinner dishes cleaned and the counters wiped down? Yes? Check. These chores still exist but are shared with roommates, divided among us in our busy daily schedules. This is no small task as we are all working separate jobs with completely different class schedules. Trying to find time in between all of this is crazy for each of us, and is something that I have not been doing well.
On top of chores did I mention the juggling of homework and a crazy but fun part time job? I think I might have. This issue is that I have other things to do as well and reminding myself that studying takes proper focus is a return to the beginning of last semester. Studying for a future career that I do want to be a part of, no matter how frustrating the future prospects might be. The inability of others to treat it like the professional career that it is, ranging from the low pay even though it did at one point require a college degree and certification to the fact that now there are laws being put in place t no longer require said degrees and certifications, something that is very frustrating and now making my efforts null and void as well as putting a damper on those children in the education system (My goal is to be a teacher). We are making teaching into an undesirable career. Something that should be a noble pursuit, educating the next generation. Off my soapbox for now.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to be a Hobbit, removed from the world that I live in, living in a quiet, peaceful setting in the shire. Right now I feel more and more human, fighting the little fights that will eventually culminate into the big fight, whatever that may be. Especially now with allergies, this time of year is a love hate time of year with these allergies and tests coming up.
I just realized how much of this I have spent complaining. It's one of those days. I hope the weather is as gorgeous for you as it is down here and that you are not plagued by the allergies that are currently consuming my body and making it difficult to breathe (As my Humanities Professor would put it).
Ciao 4 now,
Arwen
It meant do your chores on time. Has the bunny been fed? Yes? Check. Did you clean out the crate? Yes? Check. Are the dinner dishes cleaned and the counters wiped down? Yes? Check. These chores still exist but are shared with roommates, divided among us in our busy daily schedules. This is no small task as we are all working separate jobs with completely different class schedules. Trying to find time in between all of this is crazy for each of us, and is something that I have not been doing well.
On top of chores did I mention the juggling of homework and a crazy but fun part time job? I think I might have. This issue is that I have other things to do as well and reminding myself that studying takes proper focus is a return to the beginning of last semester. Studying for a future career that I do want to be a part of, no matter how frustrating the future prospects might be. The inability of others to treat it like the professional career that it is, ranging from the low pay even though it did at one point require a college degree and certification to the fact that now there are laws being put in place t no longer require said degrees and certifications, something that is very frustrating and now making my efforts null and void as well as putting a damper on those children in the education system (My goal is to be a teacher). We are making teaching into an undesirable career. Something that should be a noble pursuit, educating the next generation. Off my soapbox for now.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to be a Hobbit, removed from the world that I live in, living in a quiet, peaceful setting in the shire. Right now I feel more and more human, fighting the little fights that will eventually culminate into the big fight, whatever that may be. Especially now with allergies, this time of year is a love hate time of year with these allergies and tests coming up.
I just realized how much of this I have spent complaining. It's one of those days. I hope the weather is as gorgeous for you as it is down here and that you are not plagued by the allergies that are currently consuming my body and making it difficult to breathe (As my Humanities Professor would put it).
Ciao 4 now,
Arwen
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