To pick up where we have left off, I have now reached that point in my college career where I can look back and say, it is well done. I will have the privilege of graduating in a few short weeks and it seems surreal. This semester has been a heavy one with Student Teaching every day for a full semester. I have not felt this tired in years, and yet it is invigorating. The kind of invigorating where you know. Now you know what it is you were meant, and planned, and loved to do your entire life. It feels as if I am approaching the crux of my life up to this point. As if these last few weeks as an undergraduate are all I have left for my final YES. My Fiat. And I await this moment with joyous, albeit slightly nervous, expectation.
The 'what-ifs?' of possibilities. The what - if I fail my students so badly that none of them will ever want to school again (a far-fetched possibility I know, but still). The what - if I totally misread everything God has planned for my life and just threw a major fork into the road that was not supposed to be there. The what - if that maybe I am missing something. That there is more I could be doing, there always is isn't there?
And then, from time to time, God throws me a bone and reminds me that He loves me. That I am a daughter of His. That He will never let go. And that he is there, waiting patiently, for when I decide to pull my head out of the sand, embrace the sun, and feel the wind in my hair. It's always in the quiet moments of the day, like when your student looks up and reminds you that you are one of their favorite teachers. Or when a new song pops up on Spotify and it is exactly what you need when you need it. Or when your dog jumps up and licks your face. Sometimes, it is even quieter. That break from the wind and your body finally begins to warm up. Or an old acquaintance turned friend. Finding some old documents that you were frantically searching for graduation.
It is almost finally here, and I am not ready but I am excited. Lord help me when I enter my first classroom. Holy Spirit give me the words to move the hearts of my students in the ways that they need to be moved. And father, give me the grace to say yes, I have not been doing so well with that recently but help me have the grace to be what the students need me to be.
My parents were my first teachers, and I credit much of my schooling to their wisdom, even on the days that I thought that I knew better. May my days as a teacher be a credit to their love and care that they have put in over the past years.
ciao 4 now,
Arwen
